Abusive Relationship Checklist
My feet were tapping on the floor nervously and my hands shaking as I waited for someone to help me get a temporary restraining order against my ex. I went as soon as the courthouse opened on that Monday morning. My ex had been arrested on a Friday, but a family member of his posted his bail and he was released that afternoon. The courthouse had just closed for the weekend, so when I got word that he’d been released, I had to gather my things and run.
It had still not occurred to me that my ex was an abuser. For some reason I’d only identified abuse as violence, but what I had been experiencing was so much more complex. It wasn’t until I saw a checklist similar to the one below that I began to realize I’d been dealing with abuse. Here are a few ways to help you identify if you’re in an abusive relationship and if you need help.
Abusive Relationship checklist
Has your partner hit you, beat you, or strangled you in the past?
Is your partner possessive? Do they check up on you constantly?
Does your partner get mad at you for hanging out with certain friends, family, or others?
Is your partner jealous? While a small amount of jealousy is normal and healthy, if they accuse you of being unfaithful or isolate you from family or friends, that means the jealousy has become abusive.
Does your partner put you down? Do they attack your intelligence, looks, mental health, or capabilities?
Do they blame you for their behavior and violent outbursts? Do they tell you nobody else will want you if you leave?
Does your partner threaten you or your family?
Does your partner EVER push, shove, or hit you?
Has your partner destroyed your belongings or home?
Does your partner control your finances without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses?
Does this person pressure you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with?
Does your partner intimidate you with threatening words, looks, actions, or weapons?
Keep in mind, these are only a few examples to get you to consider that what you may have been experiencing is indeed abuse. If any of these have shown up in your situation, please seek help. And if you need immediate help, please call 911.